The last weekend in October was suppose to be a glorious one for me. It was fall break, so I didn’t have school on Thursday or Friday. I could relax and work on some of my leisure projects. For the weekend, my family was gathering in Birmingham for the annual Magic City Classic. I was pumped because this would be the first time I saw my parents in 2 months, a long time for our close knit unit.
The weekend unfolded as I’d hope. I hung with one of my close friends, my brother, my parents, my Godparents, and even saw a couple of my cousins during the weekend. We ate great food, shopped at the malls, tailgated the Classic, and attended the game. My brother’s school, the AAMU Bulldogs, pulled out the win in what was a great game!!
Most importantly, I got to fellowship with my family. Quality time is one of my love languages, so I enjoyed every moment of the weekend with my loved ones. The laughter and the memories did not fade from my thoughts quickly.
So, as I said, it was a Great weekend. Which is exactly why I didn’t understand the feeling of emptiness and weariness that overcame me as I returned to school. At first, I thought it was just discontentment and lack of excitement for the school week ahead. But the more I thought, I couldn’t escape feeling disconnected. I felt disconnected from God himself. I felt weary and unheard as I prayed to God about some things on my mind. Lord, how come I don’t sense your presence after this lovely weekend, why do you seem so far away? – These were the questions trickling in my brain…….
Then, I heard a quiet voice whisper, Did you spend any time with me this weekend?
Me: I prayed twice…..
The voice: Yea, but your prayers were a list of complaints, you didn’t thank me for bringing your family together or tell me how your days had gone—instead you complained about what was wrong and didn’t ask my input. Did you spend any time with me, just sitting in my presence or was I not needed because you had your family?
Me: A sense of conviction overwhelmed me… I knew the voice (the Holy Spirit) was right. I had gone the entire weekend without spending intentional time with God. Sure, I prayed a couple times but It was of shallow faith and complaining in nature. I blamed God and others for what was wrong in my life instead of thanking Him for all the good of the weekend. No wonder, I sat Sunday night and into Monday feeling disconnected and unheard. I had missed the presence of the Lord in the middle of a great weekend . Despite the highs, I was still unfulfilled. The Holy Spirit reminded me that he is my strength and my source—without God, I am nothing and doomed to failure. My hope and joy can’t be filled by my family as great as they are. I need the presence of God!!
I wrote this post long ago, but am just publishing. Truthfully, I have had a few days like this experience since October. I want to be one who is satisfied with Jesus and seeing the World from His View. I can’t do that if I don’t spend time in His presence. Let’s reflect, think on the questions below. They challenge me when I feel like God is silent. The truth is that God is always present, but we’re not always searching him out.
- Do you feel disconnected? Why?
- When was the last time you spent uninterrupted time with God?
- Have you ever missed His Presence? How did you handle the situation?